October 16th, 2011, P.R.
It's a well-known fact that the zombie
apocalypse is inevitable, and it's going to be any day now (as it has been for the last decade or so). With that in mind, I realize that I would most likely
end up as one of the lurching, lumbering infected rather than one of
the heroic survivors, forced to make life-or-death decisions, bravely
fighting off the hordes with all the guns and ammo everyone will
invariably leave lying around town (Video games have taught me that this is fact).
My lifestyle presently includes a lot
of sitting. Like, a lot. At
work, I sit at a computer for about eight hours, occasionally getting
up for coffee. When I come home, I sit down at my personal computer
and play games or surf the internet. Or else I'll read a book, which
includes more sitting. Even when I'm not doing any of those things,
I'm playing cello, an instrument that requires you to be sitting. It
comes as no surprise, then, that I have developed the beginnings of a
little paunch.
It
crept up on me slowly. It started with a few folds in the stomach
whenever I leaned forward, and now it's spread to my sides as well.
Pants I used to love I now dread, because wearing them hurts.
The other day, I went to the park and was out of breath walking up a
hill. Walking up a hill!
That's when it hit
me: when the zombies rise up, I will be nothing more than a tasty
snack for them, and probably not even that tasty.
Well, hopefully
there's still time. Hopefully there's time before that unfortunate
lab accident finally sends civilization as we know it spiralling into
chaos, before that meteor with a space-borne virus lands at the edge
of that small town, before the cure for cancer or some other disease
develops dire and unforeseen side-effects.
I'll start by the
most basic thing I can do: get into shape. I'll start slow, though,
since I don't want to shock my system and scare myself away from
this. So the first thing I'm going to do is start jogging. I don't
have scale handy, so I don't know how much I weigh right now; my
guess is 135 lbs., and I'm about 5'5”. I'm a pretty skinny guy to
begin with, so that paunch looks extra-ridiculous.
Addendum:
I just weighed myself: 137 lbs.!
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